1up recently did an article about an upcoming Nintendo game called “Wii Party,” a collection of mini-games that can only be played on the Wii. These games include matching the animal sound coming from your remote to an animal on screen and hiding your remote so others can look for it by sound. Well, we here at thisdustin have uncovered five more minigames by offering an anonymous Nintendo employee (who we’ll call Veggie Vis-Vaime) a large sum of cash and cocaine. The employee confirmed that none of these games could possibly be played with Playstation Move or Xbox Natal!
- 日内運動ハンドル(roughly translated to “Diurnal-movement Handlebars”)—Four players hide a Wiimote in their pocket and go to an important board meeting at work. The Wiimotes will utter unspeakably horrible racial slurs throughout the meeting. Last one with a job wins!
- 死のブルーオーバル(roughly translated to “Blue Oval of Death”)—Six players turn off the Wii during a firmware update and stare at the pulsing blue light around the disc drive until they pass out. The person with the most fucked up dream wins! (Warning: This game requires some human subjectiveness.)
- 陰茎のその他カジュアルゲーマーは、それが判明 (roughly translated to “Wii is For More Casual Gamers, it Turns Out”) Sixteen players with sixteen Wiis play Red Steel (the original). The last person to say “Fuck it, this should be on the Xbox!” wins!
- 小型、隠しドラゴンコンソール (roughly translated to “Tiny Console, Hidden Dragon”)—Forty-two players race to fit a Wii console into a toaster oven. See, you can’t do that with a PS3!
- 真剣に、ペニスを性交 (roughly translated to “Buyer’s Remorse”)—Seventy-one million players purchase a Wii console. The last person to wish they had bought a console that can play a god damn game the way I want it to wins!
Dustin also writes for a blog called thisdustin. If you like this shit go check it out.
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